There was a man in a forest with his umbrella

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There was a man in a forest with his umbrella

Posted on Jun. 9th, 2012

True Story

June 28, 2012 at 8:26 pm

I really think it's funny how ignorant people are these days. Everyone thinks that just cause you wrap it she won't get pregnant. Condoms are not 100% effective. Actually condoms have a 14-15% failure rate WHEN THEY DON"T BREAK) That's means out of every 100 times you have sex with a condom, there's 14 to 15 times that you sperm still makes it through the condom. If your really that stupid, and ignorant to believe you can't get a girl pregnant just because you used a condom, than I feel sorry for the human race. At least there is some hope, seems 20% of the people that posted before me actually understands that condoms fail. http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/malecondom.html

Otto Indiana Taylor-Rickard:
June 29, 2012 at 1:43 pm
I'm sorry but you've not got quite the full grasp on how statistics work. Firstly, condoms (at least in the UK) have a 97-8% of success. Secondly, a 14% chance does not mean that 14 out of every 100 are gonna break through. It could mean it never happens, or it could mean it happens several times in a row (though is really unlikely).
Gordon Grams:
June 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm
The point was that condoms are not 100% effective. The 14 out of 100 people was an example. I fully understand how statistics work. I know that you can go thousands of times without one failing, but at the same time you might get 100 that fail in a row. That example was meant for obviously uneducated people to grasp the concept of exactly what 14% means. The whole statistic of 14% was taken from the site that I linked in with the original comment: "The typical use of male condoms, which is the average way most people use them, has a failure rate of 14-15%. This means that 14-15 people out of every 100 will become pregnant during the first year of use. " Just as well, What is stated on the condoms pack about being 98% effective is not about letting sperm through, but about breaking. 98% of the time the condom will not break, but even thought it does not break does not mean it will not let sperm through as there can always be defects in the condoms, microscopic holes that give the sperm free passage. Another direct quote taken from the link: "According to the Mayo Clinic, 2 out of every 100 condoms break. Lubrications may be used to help prevent condoms from tearing, but not all lubricants are safe to use with latex condoms." Another quote: "Typical use has a failure rate of approximately 14%." so in conclusion, Yes my original statement was fully correct, and explained properly, as well as my statistical grasp fully in tact. Just as well, that 98% "success rate" is the rate at which a condom is successfully used without breaking. Thank you for your rebuttal though, it was a pleasure actually hearing from someone that says more than: "Yo dawg how it be crackalackin." (another example, that does not mean that I think everyone says those exact words, just that yes it can happen, and will.)
Tyler MacMillan:
July 9, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Also, I don't think you understand what that statistic actually takes into account.

That statistic also includes when someone uses a condom improperly.
Gordon Grams:
July 9, 2012 at 8:55 pm
SMH, just SMH, and please wise one, tell me as to where I said that the 14% were using the condom properly? Is it that hard to take literal meaning out of what I wrote, and not read in between the lines, making it say what you want? Now I shall quote myself "Actually condoms have a 14-15% failure rate WHEN THEY DON"T BREAK" Now please tell me where in that I stated that in that 14% failure rate they were all being used properly? When you read something it is best to read it literally, and not make your own meaning out of it. The fact of the matter is that, and follow me here, word for word: CONDOMS HAVE A 14% FAILURE RATE, WHEN THEY DON'T BREAK. Now here let me explain that for you: when you slide that piece of latex that was mass produced on, there is a 14% chance that that condom will fail without it actually splitting apart, be it from a manufacturing defect, user error, or any of the other hundred possible things that can go wrong. That is a POSSIBILITY that 14 times out of every 100 your little swimmers are getting through, be it from your own improper use, or what-not.
Monika Hakkinen:
July 10, 2012 at 11:25 am
Bottom line: condoms aren't foolproof! They need to have a male birth control pill already so men can have greater control over pregnancy prevention.
Gordon Grams:
July 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Where, by chance, do you see in what I stated that the 14% all used the condoms properly? The 14% accounts for user error, manufacturing defects, and anything else you can think of besides catastrophic breakage. I don't think you understand what taking something you read literally, for what it is actually worth, and not reading in between the lines stand for. Maybe if you read the enclosed link from the first post you could understand better. It pains me to see someone that is college educated throwing that education out of the window. Reminds me of a meme I once read, this meme actually: http://www.lulzworld.com/2012/02/what-author-actually-meant.html . In other words, what I actually meant was that 14% of the time condoms CAN fail, be it from 100 different reasons. Not that 14% of the times condoms will just magically fail.
Tyler MacMillan:
July 10, 2012 at 3:10 pm
That's one of my favorite pictures.

"That's means out of every 100 times you have sex with a condom, there's 14 to 15 times that you sperm still makes it through the condom."

You said "you." That implies you are talking to the reader specifically, whoever it may be. I'm afraid I use condoms correctly, and the danger of them failing is lower. Using the word "you" is technically incorrect when used with this particular statistic.

2/100 condoms break, according to your site (which I know you said you weren't including, but I'll combat this point anyway). Which is mostly prevented with the use of proper lubrication (or having a very wet girlfriend).

NOW, THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT. So read carefully, okay? I know it can be hard for you with your small, inferior brain.

"The typical use of male condoms, which is the average way most people use them, has a failure rate of 14-15%. This means that 14-15 people out of every 100 will become pregnant during the first year of use. "

Over the first YEAR of use. Not each use, fucktard. That is the failure rate for an entire year.

And in the same fuckin' paragraph, they mention that condoms with spermicidal lube (a VAST majority of condoms) up this to a 95% success rate for the entire damn year. And, if you read even MORE carefully, you notice that this includes the phrase "the typical use of male condoms." That means it takes into account breaking due to lack of lubrication.

All this means that, over all, condoms have a success rate of 95% MINIMUM over the span of an ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR of sex.

You ideas are bad and you should feel bad.
Heather Marie Hill:
August 18, 2012 at 6:50 pm
No offense Monika... men can't remember to take out the trash let alone rely on them to take birth control pills. #worsememorythanwomen
Monika Hakkinen:
August 18, 2012 at 7:13 pm
I'm not talking about relying on men to take the pill, I'm talking about having a pill for men so they can rely more on it themselves. In the scenario above, if the guy was on the pill, he wouldn't even have to question whether or not the baby was his. As a woman I worry about getting pregnant but at least I know that I'm taking all necessary precautions to prevent it (and that I could do something about it if it Somehow happened anyway). I can't even imagine how nerve-racking it must be for a guy when all he can Really depend on is a thin sheet of latex (or getting a vasectomy, if he's awesome like that). It would be nice if everyone could depend on him/herself independently. I know a lot of men who would be happy to take a pill daily if it meant no unwanted babies!
Gordon Grams:
August 19, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Well we have a couple more options than just a condom or a ... snip, lol. My favorite is spermicide, which can be used in conjunction with a condom, in case it fails, or by itself, before the actual "event" occurs. Also they have been developing a birth control pill of sorts for men, and are hoping to take it into the final stages of testing soon. I for one would be all for it. As I see it birth control should be both partners responsibility, as it does take 2 to make a baby. Both partners should take active roles at birth control at all times.
Gordon Grams:
August 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Heather Marie Hill So I am to take it that you believe that it is solely the males responsibility to take birth control measures? I truly hope that you were being sarcastic, or that would have been the most ignorant thing I have seen today. Also saying men can't even remember to take out the trash... we remember, we just don't want to, lol. I really hope that was an attempt at sarcasm.
Heather Marie Hill:
August 19, 2012 at 11:53 pm
I was indeed trying to add humor into a debate that was getting pretty deep. The fact of the matter (Which 99% of Americans do not seem to understand) No birth control is 100% effective except DON'T HAVE SEX. Even after a snip.. which I have had there is a chance of regrowth or the clips coming undone when someone is tied. And if I were to take the statistics from my house where my husband and 3 sons vs me and my daughter we do have a better memory than them. (Yes before you ask I am trying to make another joke.... People need to lighten up) I agree when you say each person needs to take an active role in preventing children if they do not want therm. I have gotten pregnant on 4 different forms of birth control. It can happen kiddies. Ignorance is when you think you are invincible.

Christian Purdy:

June 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

or the tiger could of ran into The Penguin...

Johnny Staggs:
June 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm
you're my new favorite person.
Gordon Grams:
June 29, 2012 at 4:52 pm
You win all the internetz my friend.
Steven Davis:
June 29, 2012 at 8:34 pm
The only logical way that riddle can be solved!

Michael Hays:

June 15, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Why do people think cheating is funny? It's sad.

Ebony Farrington:

July 5, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Why couldn't he just say "I'm sorry bro...but your girl cheated on you". All this tiger stuff was so unnecessary.

Jonathan Gross:
July 5, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Because that's how smart people work.
Monika Hakkinen:
July 10, 2012 at 11:21 am
Yeah, it was a pretty terrible analogy. They could've at least turned it into a hypothetical where a bunch of guys had been shooting at the tiger and were supposed to be firing blanks but the tiger died anyway. (As others have mentioned, condoms aren't foolproof, so there would always be a possibility that the boyfriend's "bullets" were to blame.) It's still a stretch, but it makes more sense. I said it previously and I'll say it again, THIS is why there needs to be a male birth control pill!
Ebony Farrington:
July 10, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Hahaha....I hear that and yes, that other analogy made much more sense. A man firing an umbrella at a tiger.....come on.
Tyler MacMillan:
July 10, 2012 at 3:14 pm
This is actually a bastardization of a previous joke. Here's the original:

An 85 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

Asia Leandrea Cooksey:

June 10, 2012 at 3:55 pm

SHE CHEATTIINNN LMBO.

Teeny Bites:

July 8, 2012 at 11:27 pm

LOL! Hey check out more coolness at Teeny Bites! http://teenybite.blogspot.com/

Greg Devon:

July 7, 2012 at 1:39 am

*TRUTH MOMENT* maybe she poked a hole in the condom; it's been done before and some guys are too stupid to realize when some lil girl (not woman) does that! IJS Now back to your regularly scheduled laughs! This was a str8 up "DOH" with the palm to the forehead!